So Much - Our Proposal Story

"I love you so much."

"I miss you so much."

When Matt and I began our relationship, we found ourselves saying those two phrases so often that we shortened it to just "so much." Seeing "so much" come across on my phone in a text from Matt would put the biggest smile on my face. And now, it's our own, personal catch-phrase of sorts.

We even got it hand-painted on a sign:



I knew Matt was going to propose to me at some point. I just didn't know how or when. When ended up being Christmas Day. And the how ended up melting my heart completely.

You may remember me mentioning the story behind the sand and shells in this picture in a previous post:



(If not, click here to read why it has so much meaning to us)

As I wrote before, Matt carried the sand and shells with him everywhere after I gave them to him. And he decided he was going to use them as part of his proposal to me. He worked for months and months on his secret and finally, on the night of December 25, he took me to "our rooftop" near his work in DC. This is the rooftop:



That video was shot in 2009 while Matt was doing a 40-day fast for Lent. We were just friends at that time and I greatly admired not only his faith but his dedication, commitment and strength in doing something so amazing in order to be closer to God.

When we began our relationship in 2010, I looked back on that video and I told Matt that I would love to see the rooftop in person since it's where he goes to think and get away. We had a few romantic dates there so it soon became "our rooftop." :)

Here we are on one of those dates:



So it was not only the perfect day for him to propose, but it was the perfect place too. But what he was about to hand to me was even more perfect.

As we stood there under the stars in the cold air, the city lights shining all around us, Matt pulled out the special surprise he had been working on for so many months:



It was a handmade box, carved by hand from a block of wood, into the shape of a heart. He had covered the box in shells, painted it with sand paint, placed hinges on the back and carved our phrase, "So Much" on the top.

This is what was inside:



My engagement ring...nestled inside of the sand and shells that I had given to him.

I. Died. But not before saying, "YES!" lol



When you find a love like I have, gifts don't really matter much, because the best gift is having such an amazing, loving, gorgeous, kind and perfect man to share my life with. One who makes me feel so loved, whole and complete every single day.

But wow, did he blow me away with this! The box sits in a prominent place in our family room now and still holds the sand and shells. It will also hold our rings at the altar on the beach on our wedding day.

And it will hold a special place in my heart forever.

Why an Outer Banks Wedding?

Deciding to have a beach wedding was an easy choice for Matt and me. When we are near the ocean, we feel at home and at peace...we've both always felt that that is where our heart and souls belong (and why we plan to live near the ocean one day). There are two reasons why we decided on the Outer Banks, specifically though.

The first reason? "Nights in Rodanthe" by Nicholas Sparks. I had watched the movie long before our relationship had begun and it made me long for that kind of love. After Matt and I found our way to each other, the movie took on even more significance for me. If my life could be summed up by a movie trailer, this one would be pretty close:



Of the many quotes that touched my heart, "Who keeps you safe?" was at the top of my list. When Matt and I talked about this movie when we first began talking seriously, I got a Twitter DM from him later that night when he got off work. It read, "Who keeps you safe?" *melt*

Other significant quotes:

• "It's all about choices, Adrianne. You chose that life. You chose that man. Do you even remember who you really are anymore?" (No, I didn't remember who I was anymore.)
  
  
• "I want you to know that any man is a fool who doesn't know how lucky he is to have you." Oh, how I longed to have someone say something like that to me, to feel that way about me, and Matt did and does.
  
  
• "You and I are done pretending..." as they run into each other's arms. That was us. Totally us.
  
  
• "It's never too late for a second chance of a lifetime." It really isn't and it's worth walking through fire to get to if you have to.
  
  
• "We saved each other." We really did.
  
  
• "It was you that I've been looking for all along." It was him and only him, then, now and forever.
  
  
• "There's another kind of love. One that give you the courage to be better than you are. I want you to hold out for it." I wanted my kids to know that they deserve to be loved fully and unconditionally and that they should never settle for less.
  
  
• "You came along and helped me find those parts of myself that I thought I'd lost forever." I really had thought love was a lost cause for me and that I was meant to suffer and be unhappy and lonely for the rest of my life. God showed me otherwise when he gave me Matt and blessed me with a love that is greater than anything I could have ever dreamed of.

"Nights in Rodanthe" takes place in the Outer Banks of course, where horses really do run wild along the beaches (we're hoping we get to see that during our week-long stay before our wedding). But the area near Duck and Corolla had even more meaning to me personally.

During a really rough time in my life and my marriage, a friend of mine let me stay at her parents' beach house in Duck. I went there by myself to find my strength and to try to find the person I no longer remembered.

I ate dinner alone one night at the Sunset Grille and I watched in envy as a couple walked down the pier there hand in hand, so obviously in love. When Matt and I had our vendor day in the Outer Banks not long ago, we stopped at the Sunset Grille and we went to that pier.




As I stood in his arms there, safe in his embrace, all of the pain I had felt all those years ago just melted away and it was replaced with the most incredible love, wholeness and comfort that words cannot even begin to describe. That couple I saw before had nothing on us! :)

I also remember, all those years ago, standing alone on the beach. The waves were extremely rough and the wind was so strong. A hymn came to my mind..."If you pass through raging waters of the sea, you shall not drown." It's from the song "Be Not Afraid."

I attended church and I was hoping to get a sign from God that He was with me. The first thing the priest said to the congregation was, "You are here for a reason. There is something that God wants you to hear." The theme for the mass was..."Be Not Afraid." That God is with us always. I had chills, and when the choir started singing that song, I broke down in tears. But I left with renewed strength and the knowledge that God was walking before me every step of the way.

In my hand during most of my time there was a baggie filled with sand and shells that my friend had given me. She told me that she wanted me to have it to remind me of my strength.



When Matt and I began our relationship, I gave him that bag of sand and shells. I told him that he was my strength now and I no longer needed it. He keeps me safe.

Matt ended up carrying them with him everywhere he went. Little did I know just what he had planned with the sand and shells and how instrumental it would be at a crucial point in our relationship. I'll be writing about that soon.

But the Outer Banks was where I was lost and then found, it was where God reminded me He was with me, it's where I found my strength, it's where we feel most at home, it was where Matt healed my wounds on that pier, and it will be the place we will celebrate the incredible love that we have for each other and commit to spending the rest of our lives together. There really isn't any other place on this earth that could be more perfect for us.

Tweethearts

So where did Matt and I meet and fall in love? You'll never, ever guess. Well, unless you read my first post, lol.

Twitter! That's SO not us, is it? *giggle*



We were friends for a very long time and both of us were in marriages that had not been working for some time. We had decided independently of each other that we had given it our all and our marriages were irreparable.

I did not tell him this and vice versa, so those decisions were reached without any outside influence, but when we did finally confide in each other (I was praying hard for his marriage to work and did not tell him about my problems until I knew there was nothing more I could do), we gave each other the courage we needed to end our marriages.

So did we move on because of each other? No. Could we have moved on in spite of each other? I don't know. And that's as detailed as I'm going to be on that subject out of respect for my ex whom I am on good terms with, and for our children.

In between the time that I knew my marriage was over and when I confided in Matt, I thought a lot about him. I greatly admired the man that Matt was. The dedication he gave to a marriage that was never going to work. His faith. His love for his children. His positive outlook on life and his love of fun. And the more I thought about that, the more I began to develop feelings for him.

I clearly remember there were three songs that made me think of him: "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. "Falling for You," by Colbie Caillat. And "You Belong With Me," by Taylor Swift. (You'll probably find in reading this blog that music is very special to me and I have always used it to express my feelings. And those three songs definitely expressed my feelings perfectly!)







I had no idea that Matt had been feeling the same way about me, but once we opened up to each other, a beautiful relationship based on love, respect, honesty and trust began to blossom. Matt makes me happier than I have ever felt in my entire life. I feel loved, complete and cherished. He filled all the empty spaces in my heart and has healed my wounds. He is my dream come true. My everything. My "tweetheart."

To be continued...